My Mom Is Driving Me Crazy

Hey, it's me Sam -- as if you couldn't tell by the giant picture of me to the left of this blog.


Anyhow, I know I complain about my mom a lot, but seriously, she's really chewin' on my nerves lately. The world should make you get a license to have a kid. My mom wouldn't have passed! Listen to what she did THIS WEEK alone!


•She borrowed my clothes and got 'em all stretched out. She said hers weren't "form-fitting" enough. Her motto is, "It don't fit right unless it's too tight"
•She cashed in my savings bonds to buy a tub of self-tanning lotion. Then, she sold a pair of my earrings to hire someone to apply it.
•She made me eat dinner outside last night while she threw a fondue party. The worst part is, she didn't even let me lick the fondue bowl afterwards -- which is so mean because melted cheese is DELISH!
•She used my toothbrush to get out the nasty stain in our bathtub because she couldn't find a sponge. She didn't tell me she did this until I had already brushed my teeth. Oh, and then she laughed so hard she peed her pants.
•She made me go on a blind double date with her new boyfriend Bob and his son, Harold. They both smelled like feta cheese. And that was that was the best thing about them.
•She got a lip-plump and until she heals, I have to pulverize all of her food before she eats it. It's so gross. Even I wouldn't suck up a broccoli and cheese omelet through a straw.

I'd be worried that she would read this IF SHE had paid our internet bill, but she hasn't so I'm at Carly's house writing this.

Bleh.

Gibby with Ladies Stockings On His Head

Hey fellow weberinos. Spencer here.

It's pretty common knowledge that my sister's "eccentric" friend Gibby will do anything for 5 dollars. Like couple days ago our toilet backed up and I didn't have a plunger. But I did have five dollars... Let's just say if you meet Gibby this week, don't shake his hand.

So, last week we asked you, the iCarly fans, what you wanted to see Gibby do. And you chose: Make him wear women's stockings on his head. (BTW, Gibby had no idea we were doing any of this. Daring. We know.) Anyway, I just wanted to share how this conversation went today:

Me (Spencer): Hey Gibby, the fans want you to put a pair of women's stockings (or pantyhose as they're sometimes called) on your head.

Gibby: No. Not a chance. No way.

Me: What if I say I have 5 dollars with your name on it IF you do it?

Gibby: Does it really have my name on it?

Me: No, but it could be yours!

Gibby: Can the stockings be red fishnets?

Me: Yes

iCarly WITHOUT The Fun???

Recently many parents have been stopping me on the street complaining that their kids have been spending too much time on iCarly.com. So, in order to help all the overprotective parents out there, here's what we're gonna do to make iCarly LESS fun:

1. Show LIVE footage of Lewbert tweezing his wart.
2. Do absolutely nothing but stare into the camera for ten minutes straight.
3. Make iCarly.com smell like rotten fish. Think we CAN'T do this? Think again!
4. Invite Nevel, Gibby, and Mandy over and ask them to discuss the health care issue in America.
5. Write all of our blogs in Korean.
6. Take down all of our fun games and only post educational ones like, "Name that Capital" and "Rock & Roll Algebra."
7. Give Sam's mom the passwords to iCarly.com so she can post all of her mug shots and bikini pics -- there's one pic that's actually BOTH!
8. Replace Sam with Andy McStein FOREVER!
9. Let Freddie's mom direct a series of webcasts called, "Why Won't Girls Date My Son?"
10. Change Random Dancing into Random Flossing.

Hey parents, sound good? Well, guess what? We're not gonna do any of these things! iCarly.com will REMAIN fun. In fact, we're gonna work extra hard to make it EVEN MORE FUN in the future! So... ha!

How I Quit My Suckish Job

As you might have heard, Carly and Freddie counted up all the money I owed them -- a total of 526 bucks. That's a whole lotta money -- that I didn't have. So I had to get a job to pay them back. The only place that would actually hire me was this place called Chili My Bowl because of my extensive experience with eating chili. BUT WORKING WAS HORRIBLE. I couldn't watch TV, play on the internet, or EVEN eat the chili. But I still worked for a couple of days. Then, luckily some dude came in and handed me an envelope full of cash -- it was EXACTLY $526 -- what a lucky break!!! I quit in less than 30 seconds. I thought that I handled quitting my job very maturely... but after watching this video carefully... I think I might have been a little too excited. What do you think?