My Mom Is Driving Me Crazy

Hey, it's me Sam -- as if you couldn't tell by the giant picture of me to the left of this blog.


Anyhow, I know I complain about my mom a lot, but seriously, she's really chewin' on my nerves lately. The world should make you get a license to have a kid. My mom wouldn't have passed! Listen to what she did THIS WEEK alone!


•She borrowed my clothes and got 'em all stretched out. She said hers weren't "form-fitting" enough. Her motto is, "It don't fit right unless it's too tight"
•She cashed in my savings bonds to buy a tub of self-tanning lotion. Then, she sold a pair of my earrings to hire someone to apply it.
•She made me eat dinner outside last night while she threw a fondue party. The worst part is, she didn't even let me lick the fondue bowl afterwards -- which is so mean because melted cheese is DELISH!
•She used my toothbrush to get out the nasty stain in our bathtub because she couldn't find a sponge. She didn't tell me she did this until I had already brushed my teeth. Oh, and then she laughed so hard she peed her pants.
•She made me go on a blind double date with her new boyfriend Bob and his son, Harold. They both smelled like feta cheese. And that was that was the best thing about them.
•She got a lip-plump and until she heals, I have to pulverize all of her food before she eats it. It's so gross. Even I wouldn't suck up a broccoli and cheese omelet through a straw.

I'd be worried that she would read this IF SHE had paid our internet bill, but she hasn't so I'm at Carly's house writing this.

Bleh.

Gibby with Ladies Stockings On His Head

Hey fellow weberinos. Spencer here.

It's pretty common knowledge that my sister's "eccentric" friend Gibby will do anything for 5 dollars. Like couple days ago our toilet backed up and I didn't have a plunger. But I did have five dollars... Let's just say if you meet Gibby this week, don't shake his hand.

So, last week we asked you, the iCarly fans, what you wanted to see Gibby do. And you chose: Make him wear women's stockings on his head. (BTW, Gibby had no idea we were doing any of this. Daring. We know.) Anyway, I just wanted to share how this conversation went today:

Me (Spencer): Hey Gibby, the fans want you to put a pair of women's stockings (or pantyhose as they're sometimes called) on your head.

Gibby: No. Not a chance. No way.

Me: What if I say I have 5 dollars with your name on it IF you do it?

Gibby: Does it really have my name on it?

Me: No, but it could be yours!

Gibby: Can the stockings be red fishnets?

Me: Yes

My Christmas Gift

Yo, ho, ho! Happy Holidays! It's me, Carly :)

Okay, I love my brother and think he's great at many things. However, hiding Christmas presents isn't one of them. Every year Spencer "hides" my Christmas presents from me before he wraps them and puts them under the tree. But the problem is, he always puts them in the most obvious places and I end up finding them by accident. Like last year, he bought me a flamingo lawn decoration and hid it in my shower. Of course, I found it the very next morning. (BTW, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with a flamingo lawn decoration considering we don't have a lawn and I'm totally afraid of birds!)

This year, Spencer "hid" my gift under the kitchen sink. But then he asked me to take out the garbage -- which is located UNDER THE KITCHEN SINK! So I found my Christmas present already. And it's a nose-hair trimmer! Apparently Spencer thinks I have a nose hair problem! He should talk, Mr. Nasal Forest.

My NEW New Year's Resolutions

Hey y'all. Spencer here with the very first iCarly blog of 2010!

So yesterday I had no plans for New Year's Eve and I couldn't have been more excited!!! Carls was hanging out with Sam all day and I was free to just lay around and be totally lazy. I was relaxin’ on the couch, watching a little televised sports action, drinkin’ Wahoo Punch when I suddenly realized that I still hadn't finished my New Year’s Resolutions from last year!

Here's the 4 resolutions I made for 2009:

1. Lose 3 pounds.

2. Save money.

3. Do one nice thing for someone EVERY DAY.

4. Keep ALL my 2009 resolutions.

So, I decided to get up off the warm, comfy couch and just take care of all of my resolutions right then.

To tackle the first one (lose 3 pounds), I went to the gym, sat in the sauna, and sweated off 2 pounds! But I still had to lose one more pound so I just cut off a 1 pound chunk of my hair. Resolution #1: Check!

Then when I got back to the house, I gathered up all the stuff that I picked up at the junkyard and had a massive yard sale, made lots of money, and put it all in my piggy bank! Resolution #2: Check!

For resolution #3 (Do one nice thing for someone EVERY DAY of the year), I had to find AT LEAST 365 people to do something nice for. So I tweeted a message announcing that I will give every single person who came to my apartment complex at 4:40 PM a cheeseburger. Over 400 people came -- and I ended up spending more money than I had saved from the yard sale :( Resolution #3: Check!

This year I'm getting all of my resolutions over with on New Year's Day! Here are my New Year's Resolutions for 2010:

1. Grow my hair back out. ('Cause people LOVE my hair.)

2. Buy ALL my junkyard stuff back ('Cause it's all really cool and I miss it.).

3. Stop doing nice things for people. (Can you believe some guy gave his cheeseburger back to me and said he only liked cheddar cheese and the burger I gave him had American cheese on it!?!)

Later.

iCarly WITHOUT The Fun???

Recently many parents have been stopping me on the street complaining that their kids have been spending too much time on iCarly.com. So, in order to help all the overprotective parents out there, here's what we're gonna do to make iCarly LESS fun:

1. Show LIVE footage of Lewbert tweezing his wart.
2. Do absolutely nothing but stare into the camera for ten minutes straight.
3. Make iCarly.com smell like rotten fish. Think we CAN'T do this? Think again!
4. Invite Nevel, Gibby, and Mandy over and ask them to discuss the health care issue in America.
5. Write all of our blogs in Korean.
6. Take down all of our fun games and only post educational ones like, "Name that Capital" and "Rock & Roll Algebra."
7. Give Sam's mom the passwords to iCarly.com so she can post all of her mug shots and bikini pics -- there's one pic that's actually BOTH!
8. Replace Sam with Andy McStein FOREVER!
9. Let Freddie's mom direct a series of webcasts called, "Why Won't Girls Date My Son?"
10. Change Random Dancing into Random Flossing.

Hey parents, sound good? Well, guess what? We're not gonna do any of these things! iCarly.com will REMAIN fun. In fact, we're gonna work extra hard to make it EVEN MORE FUN in the future! So... ha!

Look What I found on Nevel's Website

Hey, it's me Sam. Ya know, the part of iCarly with the LONG hair and the SHORT temper. So someone sent me a link to nevelocity.com to read Nevel's "Top Eleven Awesome Things About Me" (which is ridiculous, cuz there's nothin' awesome about Nevel!). I copied and pasted his list here so that you don't have to go to nevelocity.com!
NEVEL WROTE THESE:

Top Eleven Awesome Things About Me, Nevel

1. I am currently suing every other website that ends in "ocity" for trademark infringement.

2. I charge $4,000 to appear at children's birthday parties and I DEMAND the first piece of cake and sometimes I require the child's birthday wish to be something about me.

3. My mom likes my haircut. A lot.

4. My pet porcupine, Mister Tibbals, only eats fresh tapenade and arugula and he only drinks sparkling mineral water.

5. I do all of my own landscaping. I particularly like to prune hedges. It makes me feel powerful.

6. My favorite word is kerfuffle. If you don't know what that means, then I'm smarter than you. But we already knew that anyway.

7. I have three SplashFace friends named Hugh: Hugh Jackman, Hugh Grant, and Hugh the hobo who lives on my street.

8. I love to say the word rue, as in, "You'll rue the day," but ironically I don't like rues. Gumbo is gross.

9. I have 63 white turtleneck shirts.

10. Carly of the popular web show called "iCarly" has a crush on me.

11. My earlobes are sexy.

Yeah, Nevel, Carly has a crush on you and your earlobes are sexy... wake up and smell the guacamole, Papperman

everyone's been talking about how bad the economy is, we decided to make a donation in your (OUR FANS') name to the Get Gibby a Shirt Foundation (which Sam started). Oh, and we're also giving you something else this year -- pics of us with crazy glasses and this weird-looking troll. Hey, it was FREE!